Does it get easier with time?

There is this outdated belief that grief gets easier with time. That it fades.

The truth is grief still catches me off guard, it doesn't take much.
A photo, a thought, an innocent comment made and I am transported back to a world of you.
It is amazing how our brains, our memories work, how I can be here in the present but longing for what my brain remembers of you.

Regret is the worst though. Why do our memories get tainted with regret?
Our beautiful, fragile memories... And I wish had made more of them, wish I had let you know I was there for you more, wish I could have stopped your battle against yourself.
I wish.

Time slips away, and I wonder does it get easier?
I think there are days when I find you are not consuming my mind as much. But the weight of grief, the helplessness, the scars, do not get smaller, if anything I sometimes find them a bigger presence in my life than ever before.
I try to be honest with myself about the pain. Because to bury it would crush me even more so.

The biggest blessing out of tragedy is connection. I feel undeniably connected to those who have gone through pain. I know what it to be victim to what is beyond your control, and finding others in those similar emotions and genuinely saying "I understand" is something I never expected. It has allowed me deep rooted friendships with inspiring people, it has allowed me space to grieve with people who want nothing but to be understood, it has given me a deeper understanding of how much we need peace. And how I long for it. 

Every day is a step closer, every day I remind myself of all the good I have, of all the beautiful people i have in my life, of the loving father I serve. Words often escape me, it's hard to convey, but we have someone looking out for us who is "greater than our hearts" and I know he understands. 

" 'For I well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you declares Jehovah, 'thoughts of peace, not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope.' " - Jeremiah 29:11


Thank you for reading my ramblings. 

Beth xxx

I Try - Macy Gray/Evie Clair Chords & Cover

I did a cover of this lovely song on my youtube and was asked to share the chords i used for my cover...

D                   A
Games changes and fears
               Em                           G
When will they go from here? When will they stop?
                D                   A
I believe that fate has brought us here
                   Em                  G
And we should be together babe, but we're not

G (I plucked the 2,4 +5 strings)  F#m7 (bottom 3 string held on 2nd fret and play bottom 4 strings)
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you

G (I plucked the 2,4 +5 strings)  A
I keep my cool but I'm feeling

[Chorus]

                D
I try to say goodbye and I choke
              A
I try to walk away and I stumble
                 Em
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
            G                       A
My world crumbles when you are not near
   D
Goodbye and I choke 
            A
Try to walk away and I stumble
                 Em
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
            G                     A
My world crumbles when you are not near


[Verse 2]

D                   A
I may appear to be free
                  Em            G
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
                  D                         A
And I may seem alright and smile when you leave
                   Em                  G
But my smiles are just a front, just a front

G (I plucked the 2,4 +5 strings)  F#m7 (bottom 3 string held on 2nd fret and play bottom 4 strings)
I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
G (I plucked the 2,4 +5 strings)  A
I keep my cool but I'm feeling
[Chorus]

                D
I try to say goodbye and I choke
              A
I try to walk away and I stumble
                 Em
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
            G                       A
My world crumbles when you are not near
   D
Goodbye and I choke 
            A
Try to walk away and I stumble
                 Em
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
            G                     A
My world crumbles when you are not near

My Cover...

Much love, Beth xxx

Poldark - How the tide rushes in - Demelza's song lyrics and cover

How the tide rushes in Lyrics

How the tide rushes in 
and covers footprints in the sand 
As my hopes here raised and carried out of my hands

How the tides ebb and flow
as driftwood tossed upon the shore 
and my heart's cast aside and lost evermore

Yet though the ocean with waves unending 
Covers the earth yet is there loss after all?
For what air drifts from one place is with the tide to another brought
And is not lost beyond recall which cannot be found if sought



My cover of the song:

Hope you enjoy! Beth xxx

Silent Grief.

A little over 2 years ago, My heart broke and nobody truly knew how that felt. 
My beautiful friend, My Max, was no longer in this world. 

The person i'd come to know, was no longer there. I wouldn't see him anymore. No messages from him would appear on my phone. No goodbyes would ever be said. 

For a long time, i didn't know how to feel. There was a void... A slight uncertainty that at any moment, more precious people would be taken from my life. 

For a long time, i pushed it away. Feeling like he might reappear and people had been wrong. That way, i wouldn't have to process what had happened. 

For me, there was no goodbye, no funeral, no comforting his loved ones, no reaching out to friends in a time of need. Circumstances at that time were very very cruel to me, and although i knew i had loved ones around me, i felt very alone in the world. 

Looking back, i would've handled it differently, but that's the thing about time. Things seem so much clearer when you look back on them. 

They still haven't found my dear friend, and at this stage, probably never will. That fact alone used to bring me to tears. But nowadays, that fact represents trust for me. Trust in Jehovah and true belief that he is in his memory... and that is enough. 

I've come to learn that grief is as individual as a fingerprint.

Take the time you need. 

Think what you need to or don't think at all.

Use the memories, the precious moments you'll only know about, and keep them close to your heart. Allow them to just be, to be a part of you and motivate you to keep on making more moments in your life that you will look back on. 

I still feel that void, but I'm grateful for the precious time i had with my friend. 

When small things become a big deal...

Sometimes, maybe i should say often, small things can become a big deal. 

I think there are many reasons behind this, procrastination being a crucial point to pick up on, but putting that aside, i think it is a result of having an illness. 

If you have a long term illness or are dealing with chronic pain, 
we can all agree that there is a certain amount of baggage that can come with that. Feelings of extreme exhaustion, never ending fatigue, anxiety about the future, social anxiety, stress, brain fog... I feel like that list could go on for another paragraph. 

But with this baggage, suddenly the very small, everyday things become giant steps that we have to climb up. Take, for example, the simple task of painting a wall. Ok, maybe that's not the simplest of tasks, but something attainable for the everyday person. They set aside a day, buy the paint, move the furniture away from the wall, cover it and have a go at painting the wall (hopefully having done some sort of research beforehand). 

Put that in the context of someone with a chronic condition. Maybe the thought of deciding on a paint is too much because there are too many options, maybe they don't physically know how they could stand all day, maybe going to the store to buy the paint will be enough to make them spend the rest of the day in bed. Maybe it all feels too much. 

I'm just using that as an example that's attainable for someone who has never had to process the limitations of someone with a chronic condition. 

It could be something as simple as sending an email. My fellow spoonies, will get and fully understand the phrase 'Brain fog'. But recently i had a case of brain fog and i thought i'd put off sending this email as i wanted to think it through and phrase it right. Well, days turned into weeks as brain fog then turned into anxiety as i still hadn't sent the email. 
Small thing + Consequences of chronic conditions = Big deal!

I wanted to let you know, if you've ever felt this way, I get you! So many of us are going through the same emotions and trying to battle through everyday tasks. 
Recently i've taken to writing a list of "things i really hate but i have to do"...trying to get a couple of these done in a week or month, whatever you can do, helps to contribute to a feeling of accomplishment. 

You got this! Or if you don't.... that's ok, one step at a time.

Love to all the spoonie community, Beth xxx

Saying Goodbye...

I wrote this a few months back and as the days are flying by, i feel like it's right to share this...

It never feels right to say goodbye.

Maybe that’s why i keep putting it off.

The timing isn’t right. The feelings are too hard to address. Any way of commemorating you isn’t worthy enough.
 You see, you are too special. 

Too much of everything to just let go of.
 And that’s the problem. I. Can’t. Let. Go. 

I just can’t. 

but maybe thats ok.
 Maybe i have to find a way to let it be. 

To get by day to day and let little things remind me of you. 

Maybe that’s the way i deal with it. Not to “get over it” but to carry you.
To carry what precious little i have of you with me. 

Maybe i don’t need a day for you, or a commemoration to remember you. Maybe that’s the only way i’ll cope. 

Because having to physically mark that you are gone, is to let my world crash down. 

And i’m not ready for that. Not ready to say goodbye. 

So this isn’t goodbye. It’s I miss you. But i’ll remember you. Always. 

I See The Light - Ukulele Chords, Lyrics & My Cover

Hiya folks! 

Recently i put up a cover up on Youtube of one of my most favourite Disney songs, "I see the light" from Tangled. I made a shortened version of the song, just singing Rapunzel's section of the duet.

You can see my cover here:

Here are the Uke chords and lyrics i used for my cover: 
C
All those days, Watching from the window
C
All those years, Outside looking in 
F
All that time, Never even knowing,
C        D7     G7
Just how blind I've been 

C             G7               C
Now I'm here, Blinking in the starlight
C             G7         C
Now I'm here, Suddenly i see
F              Em    
Standing here, It's oh so clear, 
Am        D7           G7
I'm where I'm meant to be

F                     C
And at last i see the light 
G7                        C
And it's like the fog has lifted
F                     C
And at last i see the light
    E7                Am7
And it's like the sky is new
        F                  C
And it's warm and real and bright 
        Em                F
And the world has somehow shifted
C           G7               C
All at once everything looks different
F        G7    C
Now that i see you
F        G7    C 
Now that i see you 



Have a great day!
Much Love, Beth xxx

Art Focus: Get out of your own way!

I read a quote recently that said "Great things don't come from comfort zones"

The reality of running your own business is that you can very easily get comfortable and stuck in a routine that isn't challenging you. Being your own boss has it's benefits but you defintely have to be on top of your game! 

Enthusiasm for your business is a must but that's easy to say and harder to actually maintain. So here are a few things i've found helpful when i've mentally hit a brick wall. These can apply to running a business, working from home, running a blog, youtube channel etc. 

1. Talk to others about your business - and be excited!

This is probably the hardest step, even still, for me. I'm naturally a very introverted person and find it hard to express myself in day to day life never mind talking about my business. But i've learnt that talking about what you're up to not only keeps you excited about your work but also you get so much inspiration from throwing ideas around with friends.

2. Have a few projects lined up. 

Another must for me is knowing where my business is going. Every 6 months or so i'll re-assess and plan out a few major projects i want to complete in the next few months. This way, you don't get lost in the day to day routine, rather you're working towards bigger goals or targets that give you needed motivation. 

3. Embrace social media!

If you haven't already... really??? Do it! There's nothing more awesome than instant feedback. Building a community of followers takes time, so be patient. But if people are interested in the subject area of your work they'll stick around and even better, give you much valued advice!
A warning with this though, don't listen to just one voice. What are the community as a whole telling you? Don't let one negative comment put you off the project you've always wanted to work on. 

4. Have a work environment that suits YOUR needs. 

For me, that means space, space to lay everything out. It also means letting things get a bit messy while I'm in the middle of projects - so my big desk suits my work style!
Try a few different set ups and figure out where you are most productive. 

5. Do your best to have regular work hours and stick to them. Don't do too much "over time".

Working from home comes with the added challenge of learning to leave it alone. Sometimes i'm tempted to do a bit of work in the evening, despite already working during the day. But i've learnt it's best to leave it. Be strict with 
yourself and enjoy the recreation time! Also, having scheduled work hours means i'm more productive in that time now. Rather than thinking "Ah, i can get around to that later" i'm more strict with myself meaning i usually get more done compared with what i used to. 

6. Make it fun!

Working from home can be a bit monotonous, so change it up where you can. Whether it's new projects, sitting out in the sun to do a bit of paperwork, regularly changing up your work hours, or being creative with your workspace, be sure to diversify your work and keep it fun!


I hope some of these tips help you. I work as a self employed artist and illustrator, if you'd like to see my work you check it here: https://www.instagram.com/bethanyrogersart/


Have a great day!
Much Love, Beth xxx

Living with Anxiety & Learning to drive...

Anxiety is without a doubt one of the most vexing things you'll go through in life. 
It's hard to describe and even harder to understand.
For me, it's an underlying thing and then, all of a sudden it consumes me. 

Learning to drive was probably one of the most daunting things to challenge my anxiety. Heart palpitations before my lessons were a regular occurrence. Often i couldn't sleep the night before a lesson. The whole day leading up to my lesson would spur my mind into a panic, leading me to think i wasn't good enough, i should give up and that i would never remember enough from the lessons to eventually pass my test. 

At the time I felt an overwhelming amount of determination, even if my mind wasn't at a good point to deal with new things, i felt like it was a necessity not to give up and that if i succeeded, this would be an incredibly altering thing and ultimately, unbelievably empowering. 

Every single mistake i made in my lessons stayed with me. More fuel for my mind to be anxious! But i carried on. I did a lot of breathing exercises before my lessons. After each lesson i tried to take a bit of time to appreciate everything i'd done right. 

I think it's important to acknowledge that anxiety doesn't go away. I try to not let anxiety prevent me from doing things. But it's still there. 
Every time i think about driving, my mind tries to tell me that i don't remember how to do it. Or that it would be wiser and safer for me to stay at home. 
It sounds absolutely bonkers! And it kind of is. But it's a reality. Like an inbuilt reaction that i can't stop. I hope that as i gain more and more experience that voice of anxiety in my head will get quieter and quieter. 

The biggest lesson i have learnt is that whilst we do acknowledge our anxiety, and that is a very important step, It's not always correct to listen to it. We can prove ourselves wrong and do things we never imagined. 

You have just as much potential to reach for your goals and pursue what makes you happy.

Anxiety is a part of me, but it doesn't define me. 

Much Love, Beth xxx 

When i passed my driving test last year....

For my Nana Frances // So Much - Newton Faulkner - Lyrics and cover

This post is a hard one for me to write. It's about someone i care for deeply, but sometimes when you care so much about someone it's hard to put that into words.
Especially, when it's family.

I never had the privilege of meeting my Nana Frances but i've gone through my life with people telling me i look like her, act like her and remind them of her.

Despite never meeting her, she's so precious in my heart. To have so much of someone be a natural part of you is a blessing.

When i first listened to this song, i stopped in my tracks. I just felt like everything i ever wanted to say to my Nana was in this song.

Below is my version of the lyrics i used and my video:

So much - Newton Faulkner Lyrics

I wish you, could see me.
I'm flying, still don't know how
I owe you, some much i guess you knew that.

I know that, you would be,
proud of me, i hope you are,
I owe you so much,
I hope you knew that.

There's so much of you, in everything i do.
Just wish that you were still around.
But i'm following through,
Just could do so much more if you, were still around.
Were still around.

I'm still here, Still fighting,
Still crazy, still trying,
I owe you so much,
I hope you know that.

There's so much of you, in everything i do.
Just wish that you, were still around.
But i'm following through,
Just could do so much more if you were still around.

It's one thing time will not erase.
My life would not have been the same.
I miss you, i could use a friend.
to run some things by now and then

There's so much of you...

In everything i do...

There's so much of you in everything i do,
Just wish that you were still around.
Were still around

I wish you, could see me,

I'm flying...

Hope you enjoyed my cover!
Much Love, Beth xxx

Deep in the meadow - The Hunger Games - Lyrics & Cover

Hey Folks!

So last week i put up a cover of a beautiful song featured in The Hunger Games. Jennifer Lawrence sang it beautifully at the end of "Mockingjay - Part 2" and i couldn't help but doing my own version of it.

Here's the lyrics and my cover:

"Deep in the Meadow"

Deep in the meadow, under the willow,
a bed of grass, a soft green pillow.

Lay down your head and close your eyes,
and when you wake the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm,
here the daisies guard you from every harm.
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where i love you.

Hope you enjoyed it, Much Love, Beth xxx

Day in the life of a spoonie...

A spoonie? What now? If you're unsure of what it means to be a spoonie, it basically means you have a chronic condition of some sort that prevents you from doing all you want in life. If you want more info about living with a chronic illness, you can read one of my past blog posts here: http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/an-honest-account-of-chronic-pain.html

If you're like me you're a visual person and reading long articles ain't the greatest fun! With this in mind i've really been trying to up my game on Youtube and make videos that truly reflect what it's like to live with a chronic illness. One of my most recent videos i filmed on a work day at home.

Granted i'm coping quite well these days. I'm tired beyond words but my morale is high, higher than it's ever been since i've been diagnosed. So the last thing i want you to do is compare yourself to me and feel like you should be doing more. I'm very grateful for my very basic weekly routine and to also have work that is extremely flexible for those frequent days where everything is a challenge.

So i'll link the video, please show your support, and comment! I love reading & replying to your comments.

Treat life better than it has treated you. Breathe. Drink tea.

Love you.

Beth.

Day in the life video:

My art & illustration work:
sillymooart.etsy.com

Have a great day!

Somebody that i used to know

I believe that some of us are more nostalgic in nature. I would include myself in the "extremely nostalgic" category, meaning memories of the past are a daily occurrence, even an hourly occurrence.
Hence, i look backwards, metaphorically speaking, at my life. A LOT. However, a problem arises when you have this trait, you always seem to sugar-coat the past. Making it seem much more glorious than it was.

It was this problem that faced me recently. I had found myself picking up on all the things in my life that currently I'm not happy with and comparing it with the past. But this kind of attitude can be extremely damaging. It can lead to a life where you're constantly chasing an ideal where all the motions in your life are running correctly all at the same time. When the reality is, there's always an area in our lives that we need to give attention to.

My most recent battle with myself has to do with spending more time with family and friends. I always seem to either be too tired or not have enough time to properly spend time with the people i love like i used to. For a good month there, i was beating myself up about this and getting nowhere. When one day i picked up my diary and riffled back to this time last year. My diary entries, although not frequent are all centred around my health and how miserable i felt. This time last year i was struggling big time with anxiety, spending most days in bed and struggling physically. It was reading this that made me realise just how quickly we can forget what our lives used to be like.

I would pick the life that i am living right now over all of those diary entries. And yes, in the past, i may have had more time for the people i cherish, but in no way was i content or living a full life. I have a lot more going on these days. I actually have a schedule that i do my best to keep to. I volunteer quite a few hours a month, i run my business (and i actually have scheduled work days in the week - eep!), I have begun translating sign language again, I've been practicing guitar again, I'm hopefully back on more consistent schedule with blogging and Youtube - and i wonder why I'm tired?

My life is more intense than it used to be. I still have to take plenty of days off, as it's all about managing my health and pain levels. But i've never felt contentment like this in my life, that is a point i will treasure - and i hope it lasts!

As always much love, Beth xxx

Taking some time...

Do you ever come to a cross roads in your life and not know which way to go? I feel like this is the first of many cross roads i will come to. Truth is, i really hate making serious decisions. I just get intimidated by the thought that i could be severely impacting my future. 

Anyway, I came to a point in my life recently where i needed to make a few decisions. And i kind of put everything else in my life on hold, including this blog. I don't know how much progress i have made with my decisions but now I'm just trying to be content with not knowing exactly where i'm going. You just get to a point where you have decide what's important and be ok with that. 

So i've been writing away and i'm so happy to be back to blogging again. I never realised just how much i love writing and sharing my experiences with you. 

If you're at any crucial points in your life, know that it's ok to take time out and not need to apologise for that. 

Much Love and you'll be hearing from me real soon :)
Beth xxx

Hydrotheraphy - My Experience & Honest Review

As someone who writes about their life and experiences, I'm not sure why i've never talked about my experiences with physiotherapy and the services they offered me. One of which was hydrotherapy.

I was very fortunate to receive a course of hydrotherapy a number of times. Unfortunately it never felt like enough. The course lasted 3-4 weeks, with 2 sessions per week. I always stated the one thing i wanted to improve was my sleep. At the time, i slept inconsistently with some nights resulting in no sleep at all.

I always found the weeks where i had hydrotherapy i was alot more relaxed and that often resulted in me sleeping better. We were encouraged to carry on the exercises at a local pool. However at the time i was in school full time, didn't drive and my nearest pool charged £5 per session. Hence, at that time in my life it wasn't overly realistic for me to carry it on. 

So, i know how anxious i was every time i had to go to a session at the hospital. Here's a little run down on what to expect.
Often you'll get the session dates & times well in advance. My hydrotherapy sessions took place at my nearest hospital. In recent refurbishments they added a pool to their physio dept.
Once you've arrived and found where you need to go, often you'll have a few forms to fill in - Yes, they are the dreaded "Please rate your pain from 1-10" forms - but just get them filled in and you can move on. 

There's often only a few invited for a session at a time. The most i've ever had was 5 other people in the pool with me. It is awkward - that is, if you're like me and have little social skills - but remember that no matter who the other people are, you are all in the same boat. You all have pain, and you're all doing your best to manage it. Actually once i'd got over my shyness, i met some lovely people with some very brave stories. 

The main thing is to feel relaxed in the pool. It helps to much if you can feel calm. The exercises are in no way strenuous, they're more like stretches and you are under no obligation to anything that hurts. If you wanted you could just relax in the pool, the physiotherapists emphasised that we are the only people who know how much pain we are in - so we control how much we do.

I don't currently get hydrotherapy. But i'm very happy to say i'm at a good place with my pain and i go swimming once a week - something i never thought i'd be able to manage!

I'd recommend it to anyone, particularly if you are newly diagnosed or are going through a really tough time physically/mentally/emotionally. The time in the pool helped, but actually the time with the physiotherapists and fellow chronic illness sufferers really helped me to develop and eventually to be able manage my pain. 

So there's my wee review. I think i'll do a few more reviews on things i've tried for pain in the past. If i can help anyone, it's worth it.

Love you all muchly, Beth xxx

10 ways to deal with a flare up...

Let me start off with saying that this list is a reflection of what has helped me in the past. I am in no way telling you how you should feel, also i understand that everyone’s personal situations are different. We all have different levels of pain and circumstances. My aim with this list is that you will be able to take away a couple ideas that will help you when times get tough with your health.

Always remember the quote from Les Miserables - “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”

1. Be Honest.

With yourself and with the people around you. There’s nothing worse than feeling a flare up coming on and being in denial or hiding it. The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you will recover and get help from others.

2. Have a plan.

I know it sounds stupid but it works. Have you ever wanted to help someone but not known how? Well, help your family & friends out by writing out the things you need help with when going through a flare up. It’s also a good idea to include things to cheer you up. Thing’s i’d include are ‘a cup of tea in my favourite mug’or ‘watching While You Were Sleeping’.

3. Listen to an audiobook.

i love reading, there’s nothing i find more joy in than sitting down to a good book. But often i’m too exhausted to read when my health is really bad. Also it can be a struggle to focus on something for a long amount of time. I would highly recommend listening to an audiobook. Quite often your local library will have some sort of online service for you to borrow audiobooks too!

4. Listen to Music.

You know, no matter what i’m going through, there is just no denying that music helps. Be sure to make a playlist of your favourite songs to listen to when you’re not well.

5. Have Friends that understand.

There is nothing worse than feeling alone when you’re going through a hard time with your health. This isn’t easy but try to seek out the friends that will stick with you and do their best to understand what’s happening in your life. 

6. Plan something for the future.

Organise to meet up with a friend, have a day out by the beach or something you enjoy doing. Plan it for about a month’s time, so you know you’ll have enough time to recover from your flare up but you have something in your calendar to look forward too.

7. Write it down.

When things get tough i like to write. Quite often i like to write it all down then throw it away. It just gets my feelings off my chest. You may want to keep some sort of journal or diary as a means of expressing how you feel.

8. Get support.

Whether it be from family/friends or online, you’ve got to ask for help sometimes. I know, it’s hard. But when we’re down asking for help can be the only way out sometimes. Don’t ever suffer alone. Remember, no one should ever make you feel inferior because you’ve asked for help.

9. Keep your memories close at heart.

Scrapbooking can be a really fun way to look back on all the cool & fun memories you’ve made, it’s also a great activity to do. So if you haven’t started one, why not have some sort of book and some photos ready for when you feel like starting a scrapbook.

10. Get some fresh air.

I know how hard this can be. Trust me, I’ve been there. I got to a point last year where getting down the stairs each day was a struggle, but i did it. Most days, i sat out in the garden for half an hour, it doesn’t sound like much but it was a vital part of my routine and really helped me through that tough patch with my health.

I hope some of those suggestions will help you. If you're going through a tough time at the moment and feel like talking about it, feel free to in the comments.

As always, stay strong, have courage and be kind.

Much Love, Beth xxx

It's Ok To Grieve

Breathe.

Just breathe.

It's ok if all you did today was breathe.

I think we all forget how important it is to stop and just take a moment to breathe, especially when considering something so sensitive and fragile as grieving.

So take a moment before reading any further and give yourself a moment of calm.

Ok, so here's the tough stuff...

It's ok to grieve.

Recently, i went through the loss of a friend that shook my world more than i could have imagined.

This loss threw a question at me - why does no one ever talk about grieving?

From what i have experienced, in my culture anyway, it's not really normal to talk about the pain death causes.

For me, i always feel like there is this pressure that once a funeral happens, a loved one should just be able to move on. But in reality, it takes weeks, months, even years to just be able to live with the pain and to a certain extent, on some level, be able to cope.

This point was really brought home to me when i was very young. I had a family member pass away when i was in primary school, i reckon i was about 10 years old at the time. A week after the funeral a classmate of mine came up to me and asked me why i was still crying? Why was i still sad?

Even as a child i could't believe how little it's talked about that we need time to process and grieve the loss of someone.

The main reason i wanted to write this post is because of the guilt i felt at taking time to grieve recently. It's been 3 months and my heart still feels like it's shattered in pieces when i think about my friend.

I don't know when i'll feel "ok" again but i'm processing and trying to be honest with myself about the time i need.

I think what's really important is to have people there for you when you're ready for them. 

If you have gone through a loss, i hope you find peace and a way to go on. Try to find joy in the simple things, and know that you will find happiness again. And when you are happy, know that it is in no way disrespecting your loved one but rather finding a way to carry on without them here.

Much Love, Beth xxx

Art Focus: Living from Commission to Commission

Hello my lovelies,

I thought i would take a moment to discuss the ups and downs of working from commission to commission as an artist. If you'd like to check out my work, i'm most active on Instagram and that main acts as my portfolio these days. https://instagram.com/bethanyrogersart/

There are many different kinds of artist. I would describe myself as an evolving artist, one that is willing to learn a new skill just to complete your commission. You see, a lot of artists specialise and nurture their craft until they are an expert at one particular area of art.

I've never really been into that. I love spending time on a particular skill, but the idea of doing that one skill, repeatably, for the rest of my "career" kinda scares me.

I've always been someone who wants to learn - very ironic seeing as i didn't go to university. Maybe i should say i'm someone who constantly likes to increase my skill set. Quite often, that just means i teach myself how to do something. But this lends itself well to commissions in the 'Art' world.

I will do anything to help someones dream of a piece of art come true. I am pretty much up for anything. I really don't think i'd enjoy being an artist if i wasn't this way. It's really fun! You never know when you're gonna get a message from someone saying they'd like a piece of art the size of a person or a little quote the size of your hand. The sky is the limit and if you're thinking about being an artist, i couldn't recommend this way of life more.

Don't think it's all sunshine and roses though. With commissions come deadlines, pressure, stress, expenditure, very odd work hours and the determination to constantly learn.

Art should be accessible to all, whether you want to become an artist or you want to have a piece of art made, i want to break down the barriers of this far off world of art that seems out of reach to the everyday person.

If you've any thoughts on the subject i'd love to hear what you think in the comments.

Much Love, Beth xxx

My Week: Live life through my eyes //The open diary of a chronic illness champion

Hello dear friends, I hope you are all well!

A couple of weeks back i got an idea to keep a diary for 7 days, documenting what it's really like to manage everyday life with a chronic illness.

Inevitably, some days were better than others, hence some of the blog posts were better and longer than others.

If know someone with a chronic illness, extreme fatigue or even chronic pain, i'd ask that you please read some of these diary entries. When you have a chronic illness, all you want is someones understanding. This is my way of giving people the opportunity to understand what life is like from MY perspective.

Day #1 - 'not my usual start to the week':
http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/live-life-through-my-eyes-open-diary-of.html

Day #2 - 'sleep is wayyy too important':
http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/live-life-through-my-eyes-open-diary-of_20.html

Day #3 - 'a busy work day & driving!!':
http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/live-life-through-my-eyes-open-diary-of_21.html

Day #4 - 'the "Meh" days' :
http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/live-life-through-my-eyes-open-diary-of_32.html

Day #5 - 'changing up my diet':
http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/day-5-live-life-through-my-eyes-open.html

Day #6 - 'Work hours are non-existent':

http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/day-6-live-life-through-my-eyes-open.html

Day #7 - 'social situations can be stressful':
http://bethanyrogersbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/day-7-social-situations-can-be.html


Please let me say that these diary entires are personal to my circumstances. This doesn't blanket cover all people with chronic illness. We are all in different circumstances, some better, and some worse than others. I would consider myself somewhere in the middle. If you know someone personally who is going through a tough time or tiresome circumstances, i would encourage you to go and talk to them. Give them the opportunity to open up to you and give them time to voice how they feel.

Have a great day!

Much love, Beth xxx

Day #7 - 'social situations can be stressful' - Live life through my eyes: The open diary of a chronic illness champion

I know, i know...i'm a day late with this diary entry but i have a good excuse, i was being social. Considering how bad my anxiety was last month, i'm proud of the steps i'm making. Mind you, i couldn't have been out last night without my brother and my 2 best friends. But still, i'm happy i went.

So seeing as i spent some of today recovering from one... let's talk about having a chronic illness and going to social events. First off, for anyone with illness or pain, you have to make sure you definitely want to go. All that effort just isn't worth it if it doesn't appeal to you or doesn't seem worth it.

Then, on the actual day you have to pray you won't have a flare up or a random 'no-sleep' night beforehand. I really feel like the people around you help to make social situations less stressful for chronic illness sufferers. You need atleast one person who truly understands you and your situation with you. Even if its just a 'how are you?' during the evening, it's important to feel like someone is looking out for you.

Make sure you brace yourself for the next day. Forget work, it's not going to happen. Don't make any solid plans for the next day. As always, surround yourself with people who love you and understand what your going through. The day after is always hard, that's why you've got to make sure the initial event/party is worth all the effort!

Pace yourself over the next fews days. Pushing yourself and ignoring your body will only bring on a flare-up. Take it easy and make sure you have plenty of fun!!

This week of blogging has completely flown by for me. Usually, at the end of every week i find myself reflecting on the past week and all i have accomplished. Most of the time, theses reflections mean i ponder on how i should be more organised and be more productive. I know i need to start being more positive and easier on myself.

But i always look forward to a new week starting, it's a chance for new beginnings. I received tons of orders over the weekend, so i need to get my act together and get organised.

Have a great week,
Much Love, Beth xxx