Somebody that i used to know

I believe that some of us are more nostalgic in nature. I would include myself in the "extremely nostalgic" category, meaning memories of the past are a daily occurrence, even an hourly occurrence.
Hence, i look backwards, metaphorically speaking, at my life. A LOT. However, a problem arises when you have this trait, you always seem to sugar-coat the past. Making it seem much more glorious than it was.

It was this problem that faced me recently. I had found myself picking up on all the things in my life that currently I'm not happy with and comparing it with the past. But this kind of attitude can be extremely damaging. It can lead to a life where you're constantly chasing an ideal where all the motions in your life are running correctly all at the same time. When the reality is, there's always an area in our lives that we need to give attention to.

My most recent battle with myself has to do with spending more time with family and friends. I always seem to either be too tired or not have enough time to properly spend time with the people i love like i used to. For a good month there, i was beating myself up about this and getting nowhere. When one day i picked up my diary and riffled back to this time last year. My diary entries, although not frequent are all centred around my health and how miserable i felt. This time last year i was struggling big time with anxiety, spending most days in bed and struggling physically. It was reading this that made me realise just how quickly we can forget what our lives used to be like.

I would pick the life that i am living right now over all of those diary entries. And yes, in the past, i may have had more time for the people i cherish, but in no way was i content or living a full life. I have a lot more going on these days. I actually have a schedule that i do my best to keep to. I volunteer quite a few hours a month, i run my business (and i actually have scheduled work days in the week - eep!), I have begun translating sign language again, I've been practicing guitar again, I'm hopefully back on more consistent schedule with blogging and Youtube - and i wonder why I'm tired?

My life is more intense than it used to be. I still have to take plenty of days off, as it's all about managing my health and pain levels. But i've never felt contentment like this in my life, that is a point i will treasure - and i hope it lasts!

As always much love, Beth xxx

Taking some time...

Do you ever come to a cross roads in your life and not know which way to go? I feel like this is the first of many cross roads i will come to. Truth is, i really hate making serious decisions. I just get intimidated by the thought that i could be severely impacting my future. 

Anyway, I came to a point in my life recently where i needed to make a few decisions. And i kind of put everything else in my life on hold, including this blog. I don't know how much progress i have made with my decisions but now I'm just trying to be content with not knowing exactly where i'm going. You just get to a point where you have decide what's important and be ok with that. 

So i've been writing away and i'm so happy to be back to blogging again. I never realised just how much i love writing and sharing my experiences with you. 

If you're at any crucial points in your life, know that it's ok to take time out and not need to apologise for that. 

Much Love and you'll be hearing from me real soon :)
Beth xxx

Hydrotheraphy - My Experience & Honest Review

As someone who writes about their life and experiences, I'm not sure why i've never talked about my experiences with physiotherapy and the services they offered me. One of which was hydrotherapy.

I was very fortunate to receive a course of hydrotherapy a number of times. Unfortunately it never felt like enough. The course lasted 3-4 weeks, with 2 sessions per week. I always stated the one thing i wanted to improve was my sleep. At the time, i slept inconsistently with some nights resulting in no sleep at all.

I always found the weeks where i had hydrotherapy i was alot more relaxed and that often resulted in me sleeping better. We were encouraged to carry on the exercises at a local pool. However at the time i was in school full time, didn't drive and my nearest pool charged £5 per session. Hence, at that time in my life it wasn't overly realistic for me to carry it on. 

So, i know how anxious i was every time i had to go to a session at the hospital. Here's a little run down on what to expect.
Often you'll get the session dates & times well in advance. My hydrotherapy sessions took place at my nearest hospital. In recent refurbishments they added a pool to their physio dept.
Once you've arrived and found where you need to go, often you'll have a few forms to fill in - Yes, they are the dreaded "Please rate your pain from 1-10" forms - but just get them filled in and you can move on. 

There's often only a few invited for a session at a time. The most i've ever had was 5 other people in the pool with me. It is awkward - that is, if you're like me and have little social skills - but remember that no matter who the other people are, you are all in the same boat. You all have pain, and you're all doing your best to manage it. Actually once i'd got over my shyness, i met some lovely people with some very brave stories. 

The main thing is to feel relaxed in the pool. It helps to much if you can feel calm. The exercises are in no way strenuous, they're more like stretches and you are under no obligation to anything that hurts. If you wanted you could just relax in the pool, the physiotherapists emphasised that we are the only people who know how much pain we are in - so we control how much we do.

I don't currently get hydrotherapy. But i'm very happy to say i'm at a good place with my pain and i go swimming once a week - something i never thought i'd be able to manage!

I'd recommend it to anyone, particularly if you are newly diagnosed or are going through a really tough time physically/mentally/emotionally. The time in the pool helped, but actually the time with the physiotherapists and fellow chronic illness sufferers really helped me to develop and eventually to be able manage my pain. 

So there's my wee review. I think i'll do a few more reviews on things i've tried for pain in the past. If i can help anyone, it's worth it.

Love you all muchly, Beth xxx

10 ways to deal with a flare up...

Let me start off with saying that this list is a reflection of what has helped me in the past. I am in no way telling you how you should feel, also i understand that everyone’s personal situations are different. We all have different levels of pain and circumstances. My aim with this list is that you will be able to take away a couple ideas that will help you when times get tough with your health.

Always remember the quote from Les Miserables - “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”

1. Be Honest.

With yourself and with the people around you. There’s nothing worse than feeling a flare up coming on and being in denial or hiding it. The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you will recover and get help from others.

2. Have a plan.

I know it sounds stupid but it works. Have you ever wanted to help someone but not known how? Well, help your family & friends out by writing out the things you need help with when going through a flare up. It’s also a good idea to include things to cheer you up. Thing’s i’d include are ‘a cup of tea in my favourite mug’or ‘watching While You Were Sleeping’.

3. Listen to an audiobook.

i love reading, there’s nothing i find more joy in than sitting down to a good book. But often i’m too exhausted to read when my health is really bad. Also it can be a struggle to focus on something for a long amount of time. I would highly recommend listening to an audiobook. Quite often your local library will have some sort of online service for you to borrow audiobooks too!

4. Listen to Music.

You know, no matter what i’m going through, there is just no denying that music helps. Be sure to make a playlist of your favourite songs to listen to when you’re not well.

5. Have Friends that understand.

There is nothing worse than feeling alone when you’re going through a hard time with your health. This isn’t easy but try to seek out the friends that will stick with you and do their best to understand what’s happening in your life. 

6. Plan something for the future.

Organise to meet up with a friend, have a day out by the beach or something you enjoy doing. Plan it for about a month’s time, so you know you’ll have enough time to recover from your flare up but you have something in your calendar to look forward too.

7. Write it down.

When things get tough i like to write. Quite often i like to write it all down then throw it away. It just gets my feelings off my chest. You may want to keep some sort of journal or diary as a means of expressing how you feel.

8. Get support.

Whether it be from family/friends or online, you’ve got to ask for help sometimes. I know, it’s hard. But when we’re down asking for help can be the only way out sometimes. Don’t ever suffer alone. Remember, no one should ever make you feel inferior because you’ve asked for help.

9. Keep your memories close at heart.

Scrapbooking can be a really fun way to look back on all the cool & fun memories you’ve made, it’s also a great activity to do. So if you haven’t started one, why not have some sort of book and some photos ready for when you feel like starting a scrapbook.

10. Get some fresh air.

I know how hard this can be. Trust me, I’ve been there. I got to a point last year where getting down the stairs each day was a struggle, but i did it. Most days, i sat out in the garden for half an hour, it doesn’t sound like much but it was a vital part of my routine and really helped me through that tough patch with my health.

I hope some of those suggestions will help you. If you're going through a tough time at the moment and feel like talking about it, feel free to in the comments.

As always, stay strong, have courage and be kind.

Much Love, Beth xxx

It's Ok To Grieve

Breathe.

Just breathe.

It's ok if all you did today was breathe.

I think we all forget how important it is to stop and just take a moment to breathe, especially when considering something so sensitive and fragile as grieving.

So take a moment before reading any further and give yourself a moment of calm.

Ok, so here's the tough stuff...

It's ok to grieve.

Recently, i went through the loss of a friend that shook my world more than i could have imagined.

This loss threw a question at me - why does no one ever talk about grieving?

From what i have experienced, in my culture anyway, it's not really normal to talk about the pain death causes.

For me, i always feel like there is this pressure that once a funeral happens, a loved one should just be able to move on. But in reality, it takes weeks, months, even years to just be able to live with the pain and to a certain extent, on some level, be able to cope.

This point was really brought home to me when i was very young. I had a family member pass away when i was in primary school, i reckon i was about 10 years old at the time. A week after the funeral a classmate of mine came up to me and asked me why i was still crying? Why was i still sad?

Even as a child i could't believe how little it's talked about that we need time to process and grieve the loss of someone.

The main reason i wanted to write this post is because of the guilt i felt at taking time to grieve recently. It's been 3 months and my heart still feels like it's shattered in pieces when i think about my friend.

I don't know when i'll feel "ok" again but i'm processing and trying to be honest with myself about the time i need.

I think what's really important is to have people there for you when you're ready for them. 

If you have gone through a loss, i hope you find peace and a way to go on. Try to find joy in the simple things, and know that you will find happiness again. And when you are happy, know that it is in no way disrespecting your loved one but rather finding a way to carry on without them here.

Much Love, Beth xxx

Art Focus: Living from Commission to Commission

Hello my lovelies,

I thought i would take a moment to discuss the ups and downs of working from commission to commission as an artist. If you'd like to check out my work, i'm most active on Instagram and that main acts as my portfolio these days. https://instagram.com/bethanyrogersart/

There are many different kinds of artist. I would describe myself as an evolving artist, one that is willing to learn a new skill just to complete your commission. You see, a lot of artists specialise and nurture their craft until they are an expert at one particular area of art.

I've never really been into that. I love spending time on a particular skill, but the idea of doing that one skill, repeatably, for the rest of my "career" kinda scares me.

I've always been someone who wants to learn - very ironic seeing as i didn't go to university. Maybe i should say i'm someone who constantly likes to increase my skill set. Quite often, that just means i teach myself how to do something. But this lends itself well to commissions in the 'Art' world.

I will do anything to help someones dream of a piece of art come true. I am pretty much up for anything. I really don't think i'd enjoy being an artist if i wasn't this way. It's really fun! You never know when you're gonna get a message from someone saying they'd like a piece of art the size of a person or a little quote the size of your hand. The sky is the limit and if you're thinking about being an artist, i couldn't recommend this way of life more.

Don't think it's all sunshine and roses though. With commissions come deadlines, pressure, stress, expenditure, very odd work hours and the determination to constantly learn.

Art should be accessible to all, whether you want to become an artist or you want to have a piece of art made, i want to break down the barriers of this far off world of art that seems out of reach to the everyday person.

If you've any thoughts on the subject i'd love to hear what you think in the comments.

Much Love, Beth xxx